12 steps step 10: takin’ out the trash

Step 10:“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

Imagine moving into new apartment, beautifully furnished, new appliances, the works. You Develop an obsessive disorder, so that you can’t dispose of anything: can’t use garbage disposer, flush toilet, toss trash. How long would it take before your dream house turned into a hell hole?

Takin’ out the trash is one of essential functions of living organisms. Every living thing builds up waste that has to be disposed of daily. Every breath: O2 in, CO2 out. Every cell. Step 10 = taking out the trash.

Imagine you are married to someone who took daily personal inventory: if they reacted in anger, copped attitude or dropped ball, before day was over, they promptly admitted it. Step 10 is about being the person you would like to be married to. Someone who takes out the trash every day.

One of early letters in Jesus movement, opens with a celebration of the good news, God doing for us what we could not do for ourselves “In him we have redemption…the forgiveness of sins, in accord with his grace lavished…” Eph. 1: 7. Ends with the transformed life this grace accepted produces over time. See Ephesian 4: 25-32.

Context: everyday life & interactions with others. Step 10 is a tool to put this into practice, especially: “In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph. 4: 26). There are only 2 ways of putting this into practice. One is to let go of your anger. But sometimes it seems so hard to do that, maybe the other way is better. Of course, the other way of implementing vs. 26 is you can prevent the sun going down. Whichever is easier; the choice is yours. All about taking out trash: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (Eph. 4: 31) These are the waste products we accumulate every single day. And isn’t interesting that so much of the trash, is tied to anger?

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 90. The author notes the reality of “justified anger” but says we alcoholics should leave this to others more able to handle it. What a humble perspective! And so biblical, too. Anger is an emotion which is intrinsically good. God experiences holy anger. Jesus did too. He even healed a few people moved by compassion along with holy anger.

But our brokenness is such that we can drive a truck through that. Either anger never feels justified to us—so we repress it and it sneaks out of us in a myriad of funky ways, or anger always feels entirely justified. This is the ugliness of so much religious anger, so-called “righteous indignation;” the carrier of this anger feels entirely justified, but there is often so much ego invested in the anger as well. Which is perhaps why James, the brother of Jesus said, ‘The anger of man does not work the righteosness of God”

Bedtime Exercise of Daily Awareness.

“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord….I will lie down in peace, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4: 4,8

“’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph. 4: 26)

I do this most every night as part of my night prayers, drawn from The Divine Hours, by Phyllis Tickle. Here’s how this little exercise works:

1. Invite the Holy Spirit to shine in your heart as you review the day’s events.

This not a mere formality, but the real deal. Invite him and he’ll be there. If you like, take a deep breath, or a moment to be still.

Remember, the Holy Spirit is present as the Spirit of Truth, the Spirit of Jesus, as the Counselor and as the Advocate. The work in Greek, “Paraklete,” means something like a defense attorney. The Spirit comes to shine God’s light, but also to protect you from self- accusation that comes from your own sin-sickness, or from the dark powers opposed to God that tempt you with torment thoughts of condemnation.

2. Walk through the day in your mind, event by event.

First, look for the blessings, the gifts to savor through thanksgiving. We’re so hurried, we rush through the day and rarely pause to enjoy, to appreciate, to thank.

“Hurry is violence committed against time.” Eugene Peterson

By meditating on your bed, on the day & it’s gifts, can “offer right sacrifices” as the psalmist says. You can savor through thanksgiving the blessings you blew past. Like me, I begin with the events of the morning: seeing my daughter Grace and then Nancy; and I thank God for then; then my morning coffee, and I thank God for that, then my various activities through the day.

As you recall the day’s events, note any disturbance in the emotional force-field that day: anxiety, fear, anger, irritation, confusion, sadness, frustration—all that stuff.

Sidebar: this requires an awareness of feelings. I just realized that feelings are called “feelings” because they are meant to be felt. I used to think feelings were pesky obstacles in my path to be recognized and analyzed so they could be avoided.

I suffer from Male Pattern Maleness, which brings with it a rather narrow range of feeling awareness. But feelings signal significance in events—they are meant to draw our attention.

Did you realize that feelings are felt in your body? Like sometimes at night I wake up with an intense pain in my legs—it’s not a leg gramp; in my case, it’s fear. Or worry: I feel that in my abdomen as a vague unease.

You might say, “Well let’s not get pre-ocuppied with our feeling!” True enough, but we are not aware of our feelings, they will rule us, in the same way that Democrats fear that Karl Rove rules us—behind the scenes..

So while you are walking through the events of the day in your meditation on your bed, pick the most prominent emotional force-field disturbance and talk it over with God. This is a spiritual discipline, this talking it over with God. It’s different than mulling it over with yourself. But bring it to God. If you are angry with someone for an interaction that day, complain about them to God. (The Psalms are filled with these complaints—and they aren’t balanced, justified complaints all the time, but they are honest to God complaints.) “In the evening, in the morning, and a noon-day, I will complain and lament. He will bring me safely back…God, who is enthroned of old, will hear me.” (Ps. 55: 17-18 NJB)

While talking this force field disturbance over with God, you may become aware of your own wrong. Remember, you’ve asked Spirit of Truth to shine light in your heart…and He will.

Let yourself feel sorrow for whatever it might be, not off in some corner of your brain, but before him. Admit your fault to Him…he may nudge you to admit it to person you faulted, so to speak.

If that person is lying next to you, or in the house, do it right away. If not, settle in your mind to do it tomorrow. That’s Step 10!

Step 10
“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

“Promptly admitted it”: maybe your capacity to admit something is like a rusty old hinge. Rusted from disuse.

Barenaked Ladies song, One Week

One week since you looked at me,
Cocked your heard to one side, and said “I’m angry”
Five days since you laughed at me, saying
“Get that together. Come back and see me”
Three days since the living room.
I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you.
Yesterday you’d forgiven me.
But it’ll still be two days till I say, “I’m sorry.” BNL

That guy needs some penetrating oil. His “admit it” hinge needs to be oiled by the Holy Spirit. By love of God poured into his heart…

The first movement of your rusty hinge after long disuse will be a little rough; it may come with lots of resistance. But the more you oil it, then work it, then oil it, then work it, the smoother it gets.

In time, you’re able to promptly admit what used to take years.
You’re takin’ out the trash, on a daily basis.

3. Finish your walk through the day, mindful of the gifts, thanking him as they occur to you.

If you think this is an onerous exercise, you’re missing something.
Maybe you hinge is a little rusty. Or maybe you’re missing the pleasure of thanksgiving.

The other day I’m driving my daughter home from her ballet class. It’s been quiet in the car for about ten minutes when from the back seat she pipes up: “Thank you daddy!” For some reason, her gratitude (for driving her to the class? For helping her with her math? I’m not even sure) sneaked deep into my heart. I realized in that moment what power we have to give God pleasure through thanksgiving, because I was feeling on top of the world with that simple gratitude from Grace rattling around inside of me.

A professor from Fuller Seminary tells about learning that he had dodged a serious bullet in the heath department. He felt extreme gratitude to be alive on this “good earth, in this good body, and this present moment” as he put it. And then he realizes that thanksgiving is the greatest feeling he can possibly have: that gratitude feels better than sex, better than winning the lottery, that maybe it’s the ground floor of all truly great feelings in the human repetoire.

Maybe he’s overstating it. But if he’s even half-right, then most of us are missing out on some serious pleasure by not taking the time to savor, through gratitude the blessings that come our way every day.

4. Close with closing prayer.

So here it is again, for review, this exercise:

Bedtime Exercise for Daily Awareness

1. Invite the Holy Spirit to shine in your heart as you review the day’s events.

2. Walk through the day in your mind, event by event.

Pay attention to the blessings of the day, and savor them through thanksgiving.

Pick an event that brought up negative feelings and talk it over with God. Express any sorrow for wrongs you did.

3. Finish your walk through the day, mindful of the gifts, thanking him as they occur to you.

4. Close with a prayer.

If you find you can’t do this, it’s too painful, stirs up too much trash, if it’s just too overwhelming,,,that may be a sign you need to do a Step 4 & 5 (of the 12 Step variety.) (Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself and share what you discover with yourself, with God, and another human being.)

If you’ve accumulated a lot of trash, from many years, you may need to take these special measures. You’ve got more trash than can fit in your two 30 gallon trash cans. You might need to rent a dumpster. That’s what Step 4 & 5 in the Twelve Steps is all about.

But the benefits of takin’ out the trash are enormous: the peace of God.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—let your mind dwell on these things….And the God of peace will be with you”

And now, a closing thought for those who may be new to recovery through the Twelve Steps. Those who are just getting started, learning to surrender yourself to the care of God as you understand him. That’s just the point: how do you understand Him, this God you are surrendering to.

Who are you planning to do your Step 10 with, night after night, for the rest of your life. Who will you be talking your trash out to, and with?

I’ve been taking my trash out to and with Jesus, because he is, the image of the invisible God. And I can’t imagine anyone better suited to help me with my sin-sickness.

Why? Because Jesus first of all identifies with sinners. (That’s what he was doing submitting to the baptism of John the Baptist, a baptism for the forgiveness of sins. ) Though he was the sinless one, he was choosing to identify with me and you in our sinfulness. Like taking on our last name, “Sinner” which is the identity we all share with each other.

Secondly, because Jesus befriends sinners. You see that in the gospels, where is opponents throw it around as an insult, “He’s the friend of sinners!” That’s a real insult if your are a righteous person, I suppose, but if you’re a sinner, it’s music to your ears!

Third, because Jesus saves sinners. Through standing in our stead as the representative human (Son of Man), he mysteriously absorbed into himself all the sins of the whole world, and all the pain of the world. That’s what Jesus is all about on the cross.

And so, I’m thinking, there’s just no one I’d rather bring my sin trash out to day after day. However it is that you understand God, is there an understanding of Him that is better suited to your real life and your real needs, and the real trash you accumulate in your heart day after day than this understanding?

Who is it you are doing your Step 10 with?
As you lay on your bed & search your heart, who are you talking to?
Who do you want to do this with for the rest of your life?

Jesus: Who identified with sinners (in his baptism)
Who befriended sinners (liked them)
Who saved sinners

Who else would you rather take your sin trash out with?

Bedtime Exercise for Daily Awareness
“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord….I will lie down in peace, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4: 4,8

1. Invite the Holy Spirit to shine in your heart as you review the
day’s events.

Remember, the Spirit comes as comforter, guide, Spirit of truth,
and advocate (our defender against accuser-condemnation.)

2. Walk through the day in your mind, event by event.
Pay attention to the blessings of the day, and savor them through thanksgiving.

Pick an event that brought up negative feelings and talk it over with God. Express any sorrow for wrongs you did. Don’t mull it over by yourself, but in the presence of Jesus, friend of sinners.

3. Finish your walk through the day, mindful of the gifts, thanking him as they occur to you.

4. Close with a prayer.

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12 steps step 10: takin’ out the trash