Happiness: The Old Wisdom Practicing Acts of Kindness
by Ken Wilson
Planning a 4 wk series on Happiness: The Old Wisdom; but feedback so positive, and we're still in the middle of a Michigan winter, that I've decided to overdo it: 3 more weeks. Then we'll all be so sick of happiness, we'll be happy to have it over, so we can't lose!
Sonja Lyobomirsky 14 happiness enhancers supported by research:
1. Expressing Gratitude
2. Cultivating Optimism
3. Avoiding Overthinking (rumination)
4. Practicing Acts of Kindness
5. Nurturing Social Relationships
6. Developing Strategies for Coping
7. Learning to Forgive
8. Increasing Flow Experiences
9. Savoring Life's Joys
10. Committing to Your Goals
11. Practicing Religion & Spirituality
12. Taking Care of Your Body (Meditation)
13. Taking Care of Your Body (Physical Activity)
14. Taking Care of Your Body (Acting Like a Happy Person)
Today: practicing acts of kindness….but first can we give the old wisdom her due? The science of psychology is about 108 years old if we date it from Sigmund Freud's first major work: A History of Hysteria. Yet Sonja Lyombomirsky's speciality--positive psychology or the study of happiness--is quite recent. Once we started applying the tools of science to understanding our inner life, it took us about 100 years before we stumbled into the insights imbedded in the wisdom books of Hebrew Scriptures and the writings left in the wake of Jesus.
Looking at list of 14 happiness activities, isn't a single one that isn't firmly imbedded in biblical wisdom--not a one! Isn't that a marvel? Without the powerful tools of science--no survey data, no institute of social research….yet WISDOM made her ways known….
Before we get to the specifics of wisdom (acts of kindness as a happiness enhancer) Wisdom invites us REVERENCE HER and thus open our hearts to her. The Bible invites us to fall in love with wisdom, like a young man falls in love with an alluring-attractive woman. To be understood more literally than you think.
The part of you that corresponds to the mode of the young man falling in love with an alluring-attractive woman is the part of you that you are invited, by God himself, who is the author and redeemer of our full humanity, including our sexuality, to respond to Wisdom.
In other words, the part of you that yearns, craves, pants, moans--am I being too graphic?--the part of you that flushes, is the part designed by the author-redeemer of your full humanity to be presented to God as the landing pad for Wisdom.
The part of us that responds to beauty, that hits us first in throat, in the chest, that cause our eyes to widen, our breath to catch…. that's the part of us that Wisdom appeals to.
Take kindness: Young man, you may start off believing that practicing acts of kindness is something you do out of goodness of your heart. But if you start dancing with Lady Wisdom, and you keep the music on long enough, you will come away believing that practicing acts of kindness is something you do for yourself as much as for anyone else.
Under her tutelage, you will find acts of kindness coming more naturally and often; and don't look now, but if you keep that up, buster, you will be the happier for it. Hang around Lady Wisdom long enough? She'll get under your skin and turn your head, boy!
Conventional wisdom: fill up your happiness tank and then you'll have enough motivation to practice acts of kindness.
But the deeper-old wisdom says (and new wisdom confirms) that practicing acts of kindness enhances your own happiness.
Hear the old wisdom: "A generous person will be enriched, and he who waters will himself be watered." (PROV. 11:25)
The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself. (NKJV)
A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (TNIV)
The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped. (The Message)
The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself. (KJV)
Proverbs, being so PITHY, are hard to pin down. Will the generous person be enriched because every act of kindness sows a favor that someday may be returned? Will the watering kind be watered right back because as the sea level of kindness rises, everyone's chances of being flooded increase? Will the person who sows kindness reap a harvest for himself because that's the way the universe is structured?
The inspiration behind the proverb doesn't let on--she's looking out at us from behind her veil saying, What do you think? Does it really matter HOW it works? How does a lady's charm work? Isn't the main point that it DOES?
However it is that it works, we know that it does. IN OUR BODIES, for starters. A well documented physical response called "helpers high." People who practice acts of kindness--especially "going out of your way kindness"--get a release of endorphins (the natural high runners get). And they get a mini release of the same feel good chemicals when they remember what they did.
The happiness researchers did a study in which they asked people to do 5 extra deeds of kindness within 5 days. The people who did felt better for it. The people who did their 5 on the same day, felt the best for it. So it's a little like a drug: You build up tolerance; it's when you go overboard that you get the full effect. When you exceed your normal quotient. Which is perhaps why kind people get kinder.
Research says those who volunteer on a regular basis are happier than those who don't. Can't say for sure whether happy people simply volunteer more, or people who volunteer are happier because they do. But the connection is clear, and old wisdom says kindness pays.
Do you mind if I speak from personal experience as a pastor of a church? [ ] People often comment on how much outreach this church does: Single Moms, Homeless, Sunday Meal, Youth, Children, Care Ministries, all that. And sometimes people think it's because someone around here, maybe the pastors, are extra good.
Here's the straight scoop: I used to be the pastor of an inward focused church. Us, years ago. This church was more about being successful as a church--gaining members, having members who lived exemplary lives, becoming more expert in Christian beliefs. But then we became more outward focused.
And my job satisfaction increased. I was happier being the pastor of church that DID a little diddly-squat than being the pastor of church that DIDN'T DO diddly-squat. I was happier when the elephant gave birth to something larger than a pea!
I hear pastors complaining about their churches often. I want to tell 'em: "Buddy, you need to pick up some good vibrations. Why would anyone else want to join what the leader doesn't like? A little outward focus makes you happy. Annoyance of any human enterprise will always be with you. To counteract that you need to have some good vibrations in the building."
When I'm in the café, I'm pickin' up good vibrations knowing the single moms get the royal treatment there every month. We cleaned out storage room--annoying--but I was pickin' up good vibrations from the homeless ministry supplies area. In youth-children's area, I'm pickin' up good vibrations know kids who need attention are getting it there. I'm pickin' up good vibrations in the prayer station knowing people who need a shoulder to cry on find it there.
Speaking as a contributing member: Giving financially to support the church feels better when we're practicing acts of kindness together.
I gave one dollar out of ten to the church when we didn't do diddly-squat. But when I give one dollar out of ten to the church that's outward focused in acts of kindness, I’m a happier giver.
By the way, when you give a noticeable-to-you (not anybody else) portion of your income to make the church work, your heart is more into the works of the church because your treasure is.
You feel like a participant in all that we're doing together when you give…because you are.
I'm not saying tithing is the only way to be a faithful giver, though it is clearly commended in the Bible as the giving practice. But I've never been in a position where I've had to choose between tithing and eating, or tithing and paying child support, or tithing and having a reliable car, so I'm not saying it’s the only way to be a faithful giver.
But I am saying, faithful giving is a level of giving that I NOTICE when I do it. Faithful giving is giving that costs you something noticeable.
When I'm giving one dollar out of ten, I notice it. I'm going out of my way to give. But that stretch connects me to every one of our communal acts of kindness. Through my giving, I'm playing a part in every ministry: feeding the cow that is producing the milk of human kindness.
Let me speak to the value of communal acts of kindness. As an individual, it's easy to ask the question, what real difference did that one act of kindness make? Because the answer is often, not so much.
If we just do our little acts of kindness--help one person here, one person there, it can feel like trying to shout down the wind. And we're more likely to give up or do less.
But when we join together in something like a church--which joins us together in the name of Jesus of Nazareth, the King of Kindness, then we accomplish TOGETHER things that no one of us as an individual could. We feel good about that. Which is a HUGE benefit in the happiness department. But it easier to be humble, which is good in the sanity department. Because it wasn't so much that "I did". It's more like "we did it." And when we're really being sane: it's something fundamentally that HE, the founder of the church enterprise is doing THROUGH US.
Take the environment for example. Most everyone wants to be kinder to the environment. But there's something that stops us making progress. We feel OVERWHELMED! Where do you begin? How do you make a DIFFERENCE! Everywhere you turn there's something you OUGHT to be doing. Take shorter showers; keep the house colder; turn off the lights; keep the air pressure up in your tires; use paper instead of plastic, no use reusable bags instead of paper; drink water from the tap, not store bought water in plastic bottles; did I mention water from the tap in a reusable, not a disposable cup, and wash the cup with warm water, not hot, cold would be best! AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT THERE'S MORE!
IF YOU TAKE THIS TASK ON AS A SOLITARY INDIVIDUAL, IT WILL WEAR YOU DOWN FAST. So many of us don't even bother to begin. But if we take this on TOGETHER we don't wilt so fast.
We can feel good about progress we're making together.
Thanks to the leadership of our Green Vineyard ministry, it's starting to feel like we're doing something, rather than nothing. Encouraging each other to be more kind to the creation, starting with the only things we're capable of: baby steps. (E-bulletins….) I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT.
And that feeling--part of built in reward of kindness, the mystery that he who waters will himself be watered--empowers us to do more than we could do without that feeling.
One of the deepest frustrations we have in the body politic right now. My parents generation were called the builders. They fought in World War 2, then came home and built the highways and infrastructure that made America work. They didn't grind the vanquished foe into dust but through the Marshall plan rebuilt Europe & Japan. Rosie Riviter: WE CAN DO IT.
We've been through a long cycle now of cynicism about whether we can accomplish anything great together in the body politic. It's not good for our collective soul.
As human beings we have a need to do great things together.
Plus which: the big problems we're facing today--the global problems--are only problems that we can solve together.
But there's just too little faith that we can do something about it. Can we be kinder to environment? Can we really make a dent in abject-stupid poverty? Can we care for the most vulnerable among us?
Churches have a role to play fueling hope that we can do it together.
By being communal kindness incubators. Tapped into empowering WISDOM that knows:
KINDNESS doesn't COST nearly as much as it pays.
People who walk into this church and every other church should catch a wiff of that deep wisdom. We can do it….with God's help! And it feels great! Together we can put a dent into some of these big problems! And it FEELS GREAT and that FEELING GREAT EMPOWERS US TOGETHER to do more.
If more people in more churches could experience more of that feeling, do you think it could add up to a transformative thing in our nation? That there would be a political wind blowing that would say, "As a nation, let's be more kind! More acts of kindness! Lets be known as the nation that went toe to toe with the AIDS virus and brought it down! Let's be known as the nation that went on a rampage against Malaria! We have the wherewithal.
By the way, whatever you think of our President, the fact is he tripled the amount of aid to Africa and now he wants to double what he tripled. [5 to 15 Billion….to 30 Billion] How many of us who complain about his other policies have written him to THANK him? IF MORE OF US WROTE TO THANK HIM, MAYBE HE'D FEEL EVEN BETTER AND TRY TO GIVE EVEN MORE!
It's finally dawning on us: the big global problems are not far away. Problems half way round the world will eventually come home to roost.
And the big problems, the globals one, require of us GREATER KINDNESS. Greater kindness practiced together.
The problems we're facing are too big to face along. They can only be faced together. And they can only be solved by MORE KINDNESS.
The more we get together, together, together, the more we get together the happier we'll be.