Pressure Points: Accepting Our Control Limits
by Ken Wilson


So far this recession has been especially hard on men: 82% of those laid off in this recession have been men.  First time in history, more women in the workforce than men. 
Drilled into our heads: bring home bacon. We pride ourselves in being in control of the situation. When you lose a job it's more than lost income.  It's a loss of control. 
It's like you're in a master chess tournament match.  Executing a long term strategy in the match and it's working. But someone stumbles into chess board and sends pieces flying.  Oh well, start over, knowing your opponent has already seen your strategy; won't work again.   


Some of us don't do so well when circumstances beyond our control shatter our illusion of control.
Recovering alcoholic will tell you: to beat the bottle you have to face up to being a control freak. BillW called alcoholism "self will run riot."
Counterintuitive: what presents as weak-will is self will run riot. Insane need to be in control causes pain that we medicate with ACHO
Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change [control]; courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
2 weeks ago Don tackled the courage to change the things that we can. Facing reality. Not using our faith to duck our responsibility.
Today, the other side of prayer: accepting the limits of control.


Letter of James is a no nonsense letter. "If you're not generous with your money, your religion is WORTHLESS."  There are things we need to do, decisions to make, actions to execute.  Or we're just kidding ourselves.  Our faith is as deep as politician's promise.
Things don't just happen to us. We're active agents in the world. But there are profound limits to our control.  
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." (Jms 4:13)

He's talking to go-getters. We all have a plan don't we? Calendars, plane tickets, goals, objectives. As well we should.
Wisdom of Proverbs:  "Without a vision, without a plan, the people perish."  He who fails to plan plans to fail. "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways' (14:8); plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed (15:22); commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed (16:3)
But there is planning that remembers God and planning that forgets Him.  Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money. Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. (James 4: 13-16)


What will happen, not 10 years hence, but tomorrow?  How many years of accumulated wisdom, expensive education and wide ranging expertise do we have in this room? Yet no one in the room knows what's going to happen tomorrow. If we did, we'd all be rich.
A tendency to exaggerate our scale as human beings. What is your life? Precious in eyes of God.  Image of God bearers for heaven's sake. Yet from scale of earth-time, universe-time, not to mention eternity-time, we're a mist that appears, then vanishes.
Memory stretches for about 3 generations, then it snaps.  I remember my grandmother, but can tell you little of her mother. My children can tell little about her. My great grand children will know little of me.
Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."


Hebrew thought is concrete rather than abstract. So a principle or a concept will often be stated in just one of its concrete expressions. That's what's going on here: Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 
So no, you don't have to say, "I'm going to the bathroom, Lord willing. I'm going to bed now, honey, Lord willing."
What does the concrete expression, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that" convey? what attitude, what perspective?
A perspective that recognizes the limits on our actual control of life.
Is this perspective shaping our mental horizon?  Is it explicit?  Are we consciously aware of this reality?
Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil"
This use of the e-word functions as an underline. They didn't have boldface fonts. Other means used to emphasize a point. Like dropping the e-bomb. Living as though we control our destiny is a serious problem. Evil is served when we don't accept the limits of control.  
The things we call evil and the things called evil by the biblical writers are often quite different. 
Sidebar: Here's an occupational hazard to be aware of if you want to live a godly life. The secular life has same occupational hazard, but life of Spirit is not immune.
Here's how it works. We're part of a religious tribe and the tribe will often get focused on one or two evils that it's on the warpath over.
Usually just two, maybe three. An easy way to form strong bonds in a group--a way for groups to retain members--is to focus on an enemy outsider group. That's not God; it's pure sociology. Groups need enemies to hold together. Easier to be united when we are at war.
It's handy just having a few. The outside evils change from generation to generation. Sixty years ago it was divorce and out-of-wedlock pregnancy. These were blue light specials.


Today it's abortion and gay anything. Added benefit of this focus: If you don't do the big two, you're half way to righteous without even trying.  A great feeling--moral progress--at low cost. 
Who are the powerful people who set the agenda and have biggest media megaphones in American religion? Men over 50. Men over 50 aren't tempted to get abortions since they rarely have unwanted pregnancies. Their wives are post-menopausal. And most of them are not tempted by gay anything.
Half way to righteous without even trying! A great feeling at a low cost. It's just too tempting to pass up.
James isn't dropping the e-bomb on the trendy two. But against something we all fall into. Delusional thinking. It's easy to assume we have more control than we actually do. And that's a delusion.
Another great feeling isn't it? I've got everything under control. My job under control.  My family. My time. My money. My life.
But here's the delusion: much of what ascribe to our own control is actually the result of God's mercy.     
That fact that you wake up tomorrow, eat your Wheaties, and go to work, can make you feel  like you've got everything under control. But is that what's really going on?
Is that your control or is it God's mercy? Sun rises so there's a morning to wake up to; earth dodges all the asteroids while you slept. No scourge comes near your tent, no enemies pillage your village. So you're able to get up and have your Wheaties, thanks to mercy. (You do get out the bowl and milk. Good for you.) 
Many of us have worked very hard for what we've achieved. People who have gone to medical school, residency--years of education, student loans, all-nighters.  Lots of effort.  How much of that is control and how much of it is mercy, though?
I got into the University of Michigan though my grade point was 2.9.
Because I did decent on the tests…AND I got an extra admission point because my father was an alum. My father was an alum because of the GI Bill after the War.  The GI Bill was only available to the white GI's after the War. Blacks were written out of the GI bill.
How much control did my father have over the color of his skin? How much control did I have over who would become my father?
Most of us have opportunities unavailable to most people alive on the planet today. A billion people don't have access to clean drinking water. Millions of children spend hours a day walking for water. How would you have done on your SATs if you did that?

We overestimate our control.  We give ourselves more credit and God less. Sign? Gratitude doesn't come easy. We don't think to thank.  
Evil is a strong word, but apt. Why? because it's based on delusion, the root of evil.  The first voice of evil in the Bible is trying to set up a delusion. "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" Evil will go for a delusion over a single act of disobedience, because a delusion will lead to many acts of disobedience.
How much of our planning is boasting, rooted in delusion, the Petri dish of evil?  How would we ever tell? 
When things don't turn out as planned how do we respond? Not react, respond. Hit in gut, you will double over: reaction. But crumpling to floor and not getting back up: response. 
Are we crushed, disillusioned by the disruptions of our plans?
If we are disillusioned, need to ask ourselves, "What delusion was I under?" Often it's the delusion of control.  
When the world, or economy, or personal circumstances of our lives seem to be flying out of control, it's unsettling…. Especially if deep down, at a level more primitive than our God-talk, we believe we're only safe when we are in control of the situation.
If you grew up surrounded by chaos, instability; if the people in your life who were supposed to be responsible-competent adults weren't, then this may well be a struggle for you. If you believe deep down that the only one you can really count on in a pinch is yourself, this may be one of your hot buttons. 
But let's turn this around.  What's to be gained by recognizing and accepting the limits of our control?
What's to be gained is greatness and incredible blessing.
Take Father Abraham. Abrahams father Terah, had been dissatisfied in star struck Babylon where they worshipped the heavens. He set out for Canaan. But he settled in Haran, where they were moon struck. 

Then a voice came to Terah's son Abram, who was 75 years old.  
God told Abram: "Leave your country, your family, and your father's home for a land that I will show you.  I'll make you a great nation and bless you. I'll make you famous; you'll be a blessing. I'll bless those who bless you; those who curse you I'll curse. All the families of the Earth will be blessed through you." Gen 12:1-3
By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God's call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home. When he left he had no idea where he was going. By an act of faith he lived in the country promised him, lived as a stranger camping in tents. Isaac and Jacob did the same, living under the same promise. Abraham did it by keeping his eye on an unseen city with real, eternal foundations—the City designed and built by God. (Hebrews 11: 8-10)
If you're very fortunate, can live a pretty good life without accepting the limits of your control.  But you'll never live a great life.
For that it takes the faith of Abraham, to go where the voice leads you, even though you don't know the destination, just the direction.  Maybe as little as the next step. 
Did MLK know where the civil rights movement was going when he became the leader of the Birmingham bus boycott?  No he was thrust into it.  His church hosted the first meeting, so he had to speak.
He just knew that he was called to go when the voice called him.
He was getting phone threats home. We'll fire bomb your house if you don't back down.  He wanted to back down for the sake of his family.
I can't go on with this he prayed.  And a voice said to him: I'll be with you.  Don't stop now.  He felt it was the voice of Jesus…
The great things in life are out of our depth. The things we cannot enter fully prepared. Things that exceed our mastery.
Committing your life for the rest of your life to be with one person for better for worse, are you crazy?  How can you know someone that well? How can you know what they're going to become in five years, fifty years?  You can't!  You're out of your depth! You do your due diligence but then its put up or shut up. You dive into the pool or you go back into the locker room.  
Faith--not mastery, not control--is the only way to get to some places.
Without it, you won't even set out. To great places. To Promised land.

Way of Abram is way of followers of Jesus. To follow Jesus, what is that fundamentally? It is to be willing to follow a voice, not knowing where the voice will take you. Out of love. However the voice chooses to come to you. Thru Scripture, the voice may come. Through heart tugs.  Through hard times. Through blessings.  The voice decides how to make himself known.  
So here we are in this sucky economy. When will the stock market turn 'round? When will the housing market bottom out and bounce back?  Will the stimulus package stimulate or strangulate? Will it be wind in the sails of growth or a fart in the windstorm of Recession? 
We don't know do we? That is REALITY. Let us recognize & accept it.  Not to become passive but to become wise.  Aligned with reality.
To see trust in God as a viable alternative and way thru the darkness.
We disciples of Jesus were made for times like this.  We don't have to know where we're going.  We just have to follow his voice. 
Let's say you're a certifiable control freak. What can you do loosen the grip of this particular demon?


1. Use the Control Freak prayer. (Value of select prayers) Everyday so it sinks in: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.--Reinhold Niebuhr

2. Think to thank. Commit yourself to the discipline of gratitude.  You can only be grateful for things you cannot control.  The kindness of others. The provision of God. Receiving of things not owed to you. 
40 Days of Gratitude: sign up in lobby or online arborvineyard.org. Starting Ash Wednesday Feb. 25 for 40 Days. Six weeks.  The length of time it takes to form a habit. Pick someone to thank every day. Co-worker, spouse, child, parent, God. Daily reminder by email. Gratitude thought for the day. Daily gratitude tips.